It seems being honest surprises people now and that there isn't enougn social disapproval of lying, cheating, and other forms of dishonesty.
I was surprised in a restaurant when I got a bill that was too low. I called the server over and pointed out she'd forgotten the wine. She brought back a corrected bill and surprised me more by saying, "Thank you for being honest."
She clearly meant it as a compliment, and likely was relieved not to have to cover the cost of my wine, but I thought it was sadly revealing for her to say what she said. Obviously too many of her customers would have paid the bill as presented and gone off feeling good at having put one over on the restaurant.
I started asking people about the incident and was depressed at the answers I got. In too many cases the response was that, well, it was the restaurant's problem. Several people tried to justify their response by saying that all commercial enterprises charge too much.
There are two ethical problems in this: a big one and a bigger one. The big one is that honesty seems to have become the exception rather than the rule; the bigger one is that social disapproval of dishonesty appears to have evaporated.
Parents and teachers do their part in socializing children and adolescents, but society at large has the burden of keeping us social--which means able to live with one another. Society relies on the legal system, of course, but the legal system can't begin to cover the many opportunities people have to be dishonest in everyday life. Social disapproval of anti-social behavior is crucial. If the social attitude toward dishonesty becomes that it's fine if you can get away with it, or that it's your own business, or that it's wrong to judge others even if you witness them lying or stealing, then we're in serious trouble.
Unfortunately, it looks as if we're in serious trouble.
Everyone's terrified of being "judgmental," so no one's prepared to disapprove of others' dishonesty. At the same time, there's now such distrust of anything political or commercial that dishonesty is seen by many as a way of the little guy getting his or her own back--a kind of Robin Hood mentality. I wondered if the server, even though relieved she didn't have to pay for my wine, mightn't have thought me a bit of a sap for not paying the original bill and going on my way. She probably did.
