Men and women see flirting differently, and that can have bad ethical consequences.
Flirting
There are some odd things about flirting. One is that some people just don't get it. It's like they're tone-deaf; some think it's just friendliness, but some make a bad mistake and take it seriously.
Flirting is a complex business: it involves tone of voice, double meanings, body language, and a lot of eye-contact. Some people are good at it, others not so good. Sometimes it goes on for just a brief time, sometimes it goes on for a long time between people who come into contact with one another fairly regularly. Sometimes it's a prelude to something more, but sometimes it's just a little fun.
There was a server in a restaurant we go to often. She made good dinners all the better whenever we got her because of her humorous flirting. My wife knew it was just a little routine the server and I had and enjoyed it as much as I did.
And that's the point I want to make here. Another odd thing about flirting is that both men and women enjoy it, but most women enjoy it for itself while most men take it as a come-on, and that spoils the fun.
Flirting isn't a serious ethical issue, but it can lead to some that are. What prompted this article was an example of how misreading a little flirting can have bad ethical consequences.
We often saw a middle-aged couple at the same restaurant. The man got his share of mild flirting from the same server. She was half his age, and you'd have to be pretty thick to think there was anything more to the flirting than insuring a good tip and lightening up the otherwise tedious business of ferrying food to the table.
Nonetheless, the man clearly thought the server was coming on to him, because one night he caused a scene that upset everybody concerned. He made himself look very foolish plus he embarrassed and angered his companion. Worst of all, the next time we went to the restaurant the server wasn't working there any more.
I think self-centeredness is what makes people misconstrue flirting, like the man at the restaurant, and self-centeredness is unethical when it harms someone, from getting them fired to just spoiling their dinner.
We're now too self-centered, and we can't get what others are doing if all we care about is ourselves and what we're doing.
